Is Anybody Up There?

Who would have thought? All those times someone caught me talking to myself, I was actually hard at work growing hair on my head. Having only a rudimentary knowledge of cell biology – I was under the impression cells spend all of their hours either intaking ‘food’ or pushing out ‘waste’ – little did I realize they were in fact conducting periodic information exchanges and gabfests. Sort of like the crows gathering around lunchtime to discuss garbage piles, compare road kill and aggressively caw their heads off. Obviously, for the hair ‘challenged’, nobody up there is carrying on a dialogue resulting in the expansion of a bald pate. Chances are it starts out as a minor disagreement allowing the shedding of only a few stray hairs, but before long settling into a silent war of attrition dooming the follicles to barrenness. Alas, evolution appears to have overlooked the necessity of a ‘Freudian’ gene or cell to mediate internal disputes with a view to equitable resolutions.
As for me, conversation up there must be reasonably amicable. Coverage has barely suffered through any recession, although some minor thinning has occurred – likely a cultivation technique to allow the remaining follicles to grow stronger. Communicative genes may be passed down the generations. Dear old dad, not that I ever knew him that well, left this earth with most of his follicles intact maybe as a consequence of the voices, not only caring for his hair rejuvenation, but also having direct tête-à-têtes with him. Apparently, this was not a medical condition, rather a peculiar choice in light of his preferred lifestyle and choice of residences. But I digress. As an issue of self-interest and taking cues from perusing myriad health articles, I’m off to dose myself with vitamin D and omega-3 fatty acids; thereby treating my head cells to fine dining in hopes of encouraging their continued friendship and talkative nature.