Cars from Mars

After years of watching sci-fi programs from the Twilight Zone to the X-files, I had assumed alien visits were basically clandestine except for the UFO sightings over mountainous and desert areas. Typically, they landed in farmer’s fields to mutilate domestic cows and wildlife or in remote forest clearings to sweep up unsuspecting earthlings for dissection and experimentation. Imagine my shock when I discovered they had started up their own used car lot in British Columbia. Are economic conditions that tough on our sister planet or is their answer to global warming on Mars to ship broken down gas guzzlers off world? Difficult to report on the employees – afraid to get to close in case it is merely a deceptive front for kidnapping unwary humans – they did appear uncomfortable in suits and soup stained ties; however, having to squeeze their bulbous skulls down to homo sapiens size could account for the misshapen appearance and odd manners. Most of the vehicles on display are carbon copies (intellectual theft?) of earth model cars – did not spot any Ladas or Yugos – although they are rather beat up from the dirt roads and potholes on Mars. Of course, it has forced me to alter my opinion of the drivers in this city. While I always considered a lot of them to be lousy behind the wheel and had suspicions of how they had managed to score a license, I imagine having to adjust to operating a ‘foreign’ automobile causes unintended problems. Pardon me as I rush out to locate an alien second hand clothing store to get me a nice red sweater with three sleeves and a double v-neck.