Friday, 8 January 2010

Used H1N1 Vaccine


What would persuade some faceless bureaucrat in Ottawa to lend  5 million doses of swine flu - yes I know I’m being insensitive to the hog population - to Mexico, instead of a straight sale or donation? Now whenever I lend anything to anybody - concrete items as opposed to abstract things such as ‘money’ - they have a tendency to be returned in slightly less than pristine condition. In particular, my car leaving with a full tank and arriving back with a ¼ full dose, so as to speak.
So as my imagination runs wild, I can visualize the long line-ups of Mexicans receiving their Canadian made flu shot together with toiletry devices to collect all the various, bodily fluid discharges. Then these liquids and solids will be secreted to a  clandestine jungle laboratory where ex-cocaine technicians can squeeze out the constituents of the  once pure vaccine, strain it through some cheese cloth and repackage it for return to Canada, just in time for our fall flu epidemic.
Since I was reluctant to obtain my protection last fall and forwent the opportunity, I might even be more averse next season to allow a plunger-full of loaned medical solution to be injected throughout my body. Even worse, the manufacture of replacement vaccine could be sourced out to an far eastern country. Then we could look forward to shipments  fortified with additional protein in the form of melamine. At the first stages of a flu outbreak, the initial symptom will be an irresistible urge to eat the kitchen cabinets and then a desire to down a bottle of Tequila.
Send the vaccine to Mexico along with an invoice. When the check comes back send a purchase order to GlaxoSmithKline. Easy!

Photo by Flickr user cj.sveningsson used under Creative Commons

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