Friday, 24 September 2010

Queenly Advice


Terrible to hear the bad news concerning Queen Lizzie's crumbling finances. Having to apply to  government ministers for a poverty handout to heat her homes seems an act of quiet desperation, not to mention pleading cap in hand before commoners certainly takes you another step down from being only accountable to God. However rather than simply harp about her situation, I decided to suggest possible ways to redeem her fall from absolute monarch and to restore her stiff upper lip.

1. Snuggle up closer to Phil on those cold stormy nights.

2. Have Charlie find green employment to help out Mommy.

3. Demolish a couple of older castles and sell the stone for really high class counter tops.

4. Move to warmer climes - Jamacia mon!

5. Sell off some of the crown jewels. Oops! That may have already occurred. Even the Tower exhibition makes passing reference to pasty items.

6. Try having a garage sale. All that antique bric-a-brac should bring in a few shillings or pence or whatever currency is currently in use. Table setups at Buckingham, Windsor, Balmoral etc. should keep the family warm and busy for quite a few weekends.

7. Grow some of those high return crops on royal properties, you know: mary jane, doda

8. Bring back beheading at the Tower and charge admission.

9. Start up a mail order peerage business.

10. Rent out rooms to immigrants. Just set up a kiosk at Heathrow. Charge heavy for the extras!

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