Ah! What’s in a number? Well the title digits belong to Telus. And yes it is their call centre telephone number - one of many I suspect - but it is the particularly annoying one employed to irritate me. Over the past three years a seemingly random series of ringing intrusions designed as a psychological ploy to endeavour drawing me deeper into the Telus network. Not every day but sometimes 2 or 3 attempts per day. And then a 2 or 3 week break whereby I relax into believing they have lost my number. Not a chance!
Since I already use a Telus landline - once upon a time I was also a pathetic dial up internet customer (need I explain more) - I am deemed to have a business relationship; therefore, I cannot appeal to have my number removed. However, one moment of weakness a couple of months ago caused me to pick up and begin a conversation. Nothing much to do but sit back and try to digest the set piece which must be delivered without pause or interruption. So all the wonders of Telus digital TV and improved high speed Internet come gushing and cascading through the already overloaded wire. Then my opportunity comes to pose my questions and since I have little better to do, I blurt out every concern I might have with the service.
How much down time (none!), quality (10° above excellent), number of channels (hundreds and rising), installation (free as long as I stay at home constantly for the next three weeks), support (instantly online or the phone - forgive my scepticism), my satisfaction guaranteed for pennies a day, at least for the initial 1 month offer.
Yes then, could I inquire as to the size of my bill after the regular rates kick in sometime in the next 60 days or so?
Well that is difficult to say because it really depends on the final package you choose.
Well could I choose a package?
Well we are not certain of the number of channels or Internet speed at your particular address so you would have to wait until after signing up for the final cost.
Ah yes I see.
Now this is a month-to-month package so I will be able to cancel at anytime?
Why, of course you can cancel by paying a cancellation fee.
Didn’t you inform me only a few scant minutes ago that there was no contract involved and no length of agreement?
I assure you no contract is involved as long as you do not terminate any of the services for the next three years.
I get it: a contract which is not a contract involving a rather large fee to end service even if it is sub par, pay for high speed internet even if it arrives at dial-up slowness, number of channels promised in the hundreds but more likely to be around the 30 to 40 range, quality maybe so-so as you are still trying to upgrade your system.
Could I get back to you on this as I am delirious with joy contemplating wasting precious moments considering your inane offer?
Of course. We will place you on the call back list so you don’t even have to worry about calling back.
Present situation. Same as before. Random calls which I ignore. On the bright side, it is a small price to pay for not having to deal with Telus and their problematic digital television which according to the rumour mill has been blessed with a plethora of bugs or the difficult to deal with techs on internet service.