Odds and Ends #4

Crocodile Tears

Is it only me or does everyone else notice the trend for public figures to burst into tears at the slightest provocation to engage our sympathetic responses? Poor J.K. Rowling, sobbing before the trial judge over the grand theft of her ideas, the possible loss of a few thousand dollars from her billion or so and her total loss of creativity due to the ongoing strain. But wait – then the defendant takes the stand and lets his tear ducts loose in the courtroom. Can we expect the judge to deliver his verdict in a veil of tears a la the Anna Nicole Smith custody trial? And not only have the entertainment figures reacted in this manner. Current vogue even for financial industry CEOs, chairmen and senior management after losing billions in mortgage scams is to shed copious tears at the terrible market place for the ruination of their hard work and good names.
Shouldn’t all these people be banned to their vaults to endlessly count their money like Scrooge McDuck?
Almost forgot to add that crying worked well for Hillary Clinton the first time, but fell rather flat the second – maybe a warning for the rest.

Blame it on the Mortgagee

Now that the spin doctors have been given the chance to respond to the sub prime mortgage meltdown, you could expect the blame to be lifted from the shoulders of the captains of the financial world and thrust onto the true creators of the crisis – the evil mortgagees. After all the scams convincing people to overbuy, coercing them to falsify their income stream and assuring everyone house values would reach the heavens with never a downturn, the mortgage brokers, salespeople and lenders will reap the benefit and sympathy from government bailouts.
I love this.
Quote:   "witnessing a dramatic change in the behaviour of borrowers in California where there had been "significant" increases in defaults as house prices fall.  They warned that "the propensity to default rises dramatically" once equity in a borrower's property falls to zero, with further increases in foreclosures on the horizon.” End quote.

So there you have it. Borrowers are guilty of bad behaviour: lenders are just doing their job in good faith.

Head Miswiring
As if internal arguments and lack of communication in the brain were not problems enough, now we have the belly fat chiming in to screw up the signalling system. Up to this point, all evidence suggested wiring in the brain was responsible for indicating when we were sated, and then sent the crystal clear message to disengage from the knife and fork. Now instead of patting the stomach to indicate the pleasure of a fine, satisfying meal, we are attempting to shut up the fat cells that are still screaming for food and cajoling us into shovelling down ever greater amounts.

Safekeeping the Spoils
Easy to just write this one off as a weird coincidence, but it does leave a couple of questions unanswered.
Shouldn’t a bank employee have learned not to keep valuables at home where they are open to theft?
Could we consider the thief to be intelligent in his bid to safeguard his plunder; since you never know when your home may be the target of a cat burglar?
Do we now find the criminal (alleged) slightly less brainy because he failed to contact his victim to ascertain where he did his banking, in order to avoid a conflict of interest, not to mention possible discovery?
Moral of the story is not to do your banking in the same area you conduct your entrepreneurial business.

Vodka Tales
Wonder what the blood/alcohol reading would have been on this one? At some percentage, the booze in the blood stream must turn into a beneficial coagulant to prevent blood loss or it may only occur with vodka. I know puncture wounds tend to seal around the piercing weapon, but this guy was also on the move trying to work and travel home, conditions which normally would cause at least a bit of oozing. Guess when you’re that soused a knife driven into your back only feels like a friendly slap!

Price of Rice not Nice

And it is not just rice: corn, wheat, soy and other cereal crops are bumping up the price hike ladder. Plenty of reasons expounded for the sudden increases:

• Droughts and crop failures especially in Australia where the explanation lays the blame almost entirely on climate change, as though localized lack of precipitation has never been experienced over the millennia.
• Reduced government stockpiles, particularly in Asian countries, which worked to smooth out yearly production bumps in the past. Now capitalism and the invisible hand of the market rule.
• Too much grain fed to livestock to support the surge in meat consumption in China. Too many McMeat restaurants springing up.
• Increasing trend of farmers, in North America and Europe, raising crops solely for processing into bio-fuels, despite current scientific evidence suggesting it may be more damaging to the environment than oil production and wastes too much energy to manufacture.

My theory: once the hedge funds and insiders milked billions for themselves from the sub-prime mortgage fiasco – leaving taxpayers to clean up the mess – they are now driving up the price oil, gas and foodstuffs on the commodities markets to further siphon off wealth. Even as the demand for oil has either stalled or inflated at below 2% per year the price continues to vault to new records.

Actually, the initial indication for the fast price jumps came when I was in one of the larger, warehouse type, local grocery outlets. I noticed three of four people struggling to the check outs pushing carts loaded with ten to twelve 40 pound bags of rice, bad luck if you had one of the sticky wheel ones I usually pick. At first, I wrote it off to coincidence, just happenstance running into a number of small restaurant owners stocking up at a cheap price. And then, I received my own lesson in the world economy when I headed over to grab a 10 kilogram bag of flour – whole wheat, not organic, but still better for you – and ran into sticker shock along with a sign from store management explaining the soaring price. Once home, I was able to check back on old bills to document the upward trend.

Flour 10 kilogram bag:

• Sept 15/07      $5.98
• Jan 11/08        $6.98
• Mar 30/08     $10.58

According to my cool scientific calculator, that is a 76% increase in retail price since last September and the wholesale cost increases almost daily.

Ways to handle the crisis:

• Purchase dedicated hand held vacuum to clean up dusting flour on counter and return to container.
• Strategically placed jar to hold wayward rice grains picked up from floor.
• Check out price of ‘Brent light crude’ for use as salad dressing before olive ‘oil’ converts to bio-fuel.
• Use wild rice – yes, I know it is actually a grain – as it becomes cheaper to replace normal rice.
• Purchase kitchen grindstone appliance to mill grains gathered surreptitiously from roadside farms after midnight.
• Switch from the documented healthy Mediterranean diet to the just announced cheaper, bland Starvation diet.
• Seek out lower cost alternatives such as potatoes – oops, too late. New potatoes advertised at ‘only’ $1.69 per pound.

All prices in Canadian Dollars.
Feel free to attempt novel solutions of your own.

Spring has Sprung

Finally last Saturday a true hint of spring reached Vancouver rewarding us with some clear skies, sun and temperatures in the teens. Couldn’t imagine a better way to celebrate than a hike part way up one of the local mountains; and so we scooted up the 550 meters to the viewpoint overlooking Buntzen Lake. Even under the heavy canopy, there was plenty of sparkle from the invading rays of sunlight dancing through the treetops and the steadily increasing warmth soon had us in t-shirts. With last winter’s heavier than average snowfall, the trail was still covered for the final 80 meters of elevation with about a foot of snow – treacherously slippery in the well trodden spots, but easy going just off to the sides. A few minutes stopped at the lookout gazing across to the North Shore mountains, sipping some water and snacking on a energy bar, before wending our way back to the parking lot. Not only lots of fun, but we get to add 2 hours of vigorous physical activity to our weekly total – take that Participation Canada! Pretty well everyone we met trekking both ways were in exuberant moods enjoying the sudden climatic change, all except for the unhappy soul, in a rather gnarly mood, escorting her unleashed snappy, lapdogs. Yes, the trio were very much alike in both temperament and appearance.
Meanwhile back at the vehicle, our choice was to prowl the nearest supermarket for a couple of handfuls of Portobello and Shitake mushrooms. With the grocery shopping accomplished, a pleasant day was finished off with platefuls of Linguine con Funghi and some generous glasses of Shiraz. Now what is on the agenda next weekend in order to scoff down a decadent meal?

Odds and Ends #3

Knut the Killer

Makes me wonder how many post graduate degrees are required before somebody realizes Knut is a polar bear – aka a wild animal – basically doing what his mother should have taught him. Stop chucking food into his enclosure; he will quickly catch on to the tastiness of raw fish and other moveable feasts. As for his howling for a friend, maybe the media reporter carping about a bear who "senselessly murdered the carp" can volunteer to sit across the table from Knut to discuss their mutual psychological problems.

Fabulous Feet

Almost positive some of the under socks I use for hiking are laced with silver threads making my feet much more valuable than the rest of my body. Last quote I remember was $13 per ounce for silver so I’m planning to wash my feet each time into my gold pan and attempt to swish out the silver, instead of allowing my foot odour to become part of the toxic sludge problem. Then I recalled that the Borg were heavy into nano technology and am beginning to suspect we are being assimilated despite our protestations. Trust the big corporations to have been taken over by aliens, right under our noses while we worried about malodorous foot scents.

What about the Bags?

For years we have been treated to the sight of millions of plastic bags waving throughout the countryside and quivering like sea kelp over acres of dump sites. All of a sudden, the garbage police have discovered evil contents within the confines of the plastic beast – tons and tons of unused foodstuffs reeking and fermenting, inundating the atmosphere with tons and tons of obnoxious gases fuelling the spread of greenhouse warming. Since I eschewed the use of plastic, I’ve been driven to carting my putrid leftovers to the bin wrapped in my best Sunday shirts (they are washed in non phosphate detergent and hung on my balcony to dry despite the protests of neighbours) which are manufactured with organic cotton in approved factories somewhere off world. Now I’ll have to take a course in fruit wine making, to prevent the unneeded produce from being discarded, even if it means I spend all my spare hours getting soused.

Stonehenge Spa

Over the past decades this stone circle has been explain in many ways: an astronomical observatory, pagan ritual site replete with human sacrifice, Neolithic convention center for end of harvest celebrations, alien landing zone (von Däniken theory?), and now it is a healing place. Unless an error in reporting comes to light or I’ve just read the reports incorrectly, I’m amazed that among other findings the archaeologists have unearthed some Roman ceramics from the sockets under the bluestones. While over the past decades, there have been numerous readjustments of the timeline of construction due to carbon dating inaccuracies; the general consensus suggests the total building period stretching from 3000BC to 1600BC. – give or take a couple of centuries, but whose counting. Historically, the Romans visited here during the first century BC and naturally proceeded to slaughter enough of the inhabitants to ensure adding the bulk of the island to the Empire. Therefore, barring the ability of the roman centurions to time travel, how does some of their dinnerware show up under mammoth stones placed over two thousand years before their arrival?

Green Screen Relay

Not even going to take sides. But does it make sense to have an Olympic torch relay when the spectators are lining a different route. You might as well hold it in front of green screens deep in the bowels of the ‘Forbidden City’ and add the background of cheering people from a Santa Claus parade, the rose bowl festivities or the gay-pride celebrations. It would be in keeping with the Communist iron fist ruling party plus save the bother of rewriting or re-video taping history to show the true wonder of the Olympics held in the Middle Kingdom.

G is for Green beans

Grapefruit leapt to mind, but never cooked – either a half in the peel topped with a couple of dollops of honey or squeezed into a glass. Next up were grapes, usually tossed into a summer salad, although there is a decadent way to cook them. Halve red or green seedless grapes and poach quickly over medium heat in some Marsala; then heap around a generous scoop of vanilla ice cream.
So I ended up settling on green beans, also known as string beans or French beans or haricots vert – the latter still rolls off my tongue having grown up in Quebec. The following is a quick way to put together a side dish for grilled chicken breast.

1/2 pound fresh green beans with ends snipped off
1/2 large red bell pepper, julienne into 1/4” strips
1/4 cup pine nuts
1 tablespoon olive oil
1 teaspoon lemon or lime juice
Pepper to taste

1. Using a large pot , bring 2 quarts of water to a rapid boil, add the green beans and return to a rolling boil to cook for 6 to 7 minutes until they are tender but still crisp. Pour the beans into a colander, rinse under cold water to stop cooking and set aside.
2. In a dry skillet over medium heat, toast pine nuts until lightly browned. Remove to small bowl.
3. Add oil to the skillet. When the oil is hot, sauté the red peppers for 5 to 6 minutes until almost softened. Then add the green beans, juice and pepper – stir gently for about three minutes to reheat the beans. Toss in the pine nuts and heat 1 more minute. Serve.

Important in this recipe to prevent the green beans from cooking too long, becoming soft and flabby, losing the slightly crispy snap and the textural difference with the softened peppers. As an added treat slice red onions into rings and cook at the same time as the red peppers.

Anagram This

Just as I was tossing out Saturday’s paper – oops, make that consigning to the appropriate recycling bin – I realized I had been doing the Sunday New York Times crossword puzzle for over a decade. Since the Vancouver Sun publishes the weekend edition on Saturdays, the puzzle is a week behind although that appears to be the norm in publication. In fact, it is the sole reason I even buy a newspaper once a week; news has become much easier to access online with the added opportunity to compare multiple points of view from varying countries.
When I began attempting to solve the puzzles, I was lucky to complete half of each without resorting to the dictionary, thesaurus and online assistance over a period of days. Now, I can usually polish them off in a couple of hours except for the odd time when pesky three letter clues or abbreviations escape me. There are moments I definitely come close to fire off questioning e-mails, but attribute the difference of opinion to regional preferences – everybody knows the West Coast is the true center of the universe – and variances in cultural usage. Contrary to popular belief, I don’t consider deciphering the puzzles contributes to preventing deterioration of my cranial cavity and its contents or increasing its elasticity. After a while, you simply develop crossword solvers brain and begin to think like a crossword designer, although there are nuances between different series and editors. On the occasions I try my hand at the Saturday Times puzzle, I find it helps to use an differing mind set to gain the solution and understand the way the constructor provides the clues.
Normally, the main hint for the puzzle becomes an important aid as you begin to comprehend the deviousness for many of the longer or highlighted clues. Once you grasp the trick, it gives a head start on the others. Alas, this Saturday ‘mixed feelings’ was completely lost on me and even with a couple of solutions, I remained without a clue. In the end, it did not prevent me from polishing off the puzzle and putting it aside. Only later as I glanced at one of the shorter sets of circled letters did it finely dawn on me that they were anagrams; hence, gear rearranged is rage, epho is hope etc. Obviously, solving crosswords has done nothing to improve my vision.

The Peripatetic Book

Despite the ‘wealth of information’ online, I continually skulk about a couple of branches of the municipal library searching for reading material. However, I find it easier to access the collection online from home to place holds on tomes whose titles I’ve gleaned off websites or my feeds. Requesting ‘Mastering the Art of French Cooking by Julia Child’ – already in cold storage – was to follow up on the book Julie and Julia by Julie Powell. The e-mail notification showed up a couple of days later. On the same evening I entered a second request for an item currently in the branch so it was a lock to be there the following day when I could pick up both books. So I was mildly surprised the next morning when the Julia Child cookbook was sitting on the shelf awaiting me, but the second volume was nowhere to be seen. Perhaps, I surmised, it was still early and maybe no one had yet had a chance to pull it from its assigned spot. No problem. Headed over to the library computers where I quickly located the call number and hustled over to the correct aisle. No luck. Aha, I reasoned, it was simply in between shelves and one of the staff was busy logging it through the system. After all, the computer said it was there and it is difficult to argue with a computer. Therefore, I concluded, I should talk to the kindly librarian who would clear up the matter in a flash. Not so. Not only did she have the request print out in front of her, but she had checked for the book to discover it was....well missing, even though it had been returned to the library the previous day and scanned in via computer. Obviously, since it had never been returned to its allotted location, there was no opportunity for some dastardly, light-fingered bookworm to purloin the text, so logically it had to be somewhere in the vicinity. So I headed back to see if it had been misplaced close to its supposed resting place, while the librarian did a check of the behind counter spots and non public areas. Success, I anticipated, would shortly see me with both of my holds and heading out the door. Wrong again. Back at the information desk, I found a very puzzled librarian who had not only been unable to locate my book, but had discovered another four missing volumes. Not much rationale in requesting an explanation and we agreed I could wait while another copy was forwarded in from another branch. Maybe library books eventually tire of the constant pawing, page pinching, spine bashing and coffee dribbling; at which point they sprout little legs and run off to the old book home? Lucky for me, my missing choice was not critical to my well being and only a follow up to my interest in meditation, since I’ve found it an excellent method to corral my brain after running off simultaneously in multiple directions. So it was interesting to discover Jon Kabat-Zinn had contributed to ‘Mindfulness-based Cognitive Therapy (MBCT)’ which was described as 80% meditation and 20% cognitive therapy towards the alleviating the effects of chronic depression. Only one of the texts on the subject - ‘The Mindful Way through Depression: Freeing Yourself from Chronic Unhappiness’ – but the particular one I located online and which caught my interest. Apparently, in Britain the costs are covered under National Health Care which may explain its popularity and wide spread referral by general practitioners. As for me, I was left to wonder if the universe in its infinite wisdom had conjured up an esoteric message disguised as a personal Zen koan for me to solve – ‘What is the sound of no page turning?’